// JavaScript Document
<!-- Copyright 2000 by William Bontrager 
function getcontent() { 
var count = 52; 
var r = Math.ceil(Math.random() * count); 
if (r == 1) return "Why do people use the term \"Sam Hell\" as in \"What the Sam Hell is going on?\" Really, they should say \"Sam Hill,\" in honor of the 19th Century colonel from Massachusetts for whom the term was coined."; 
if (r == 2) return "Why can\'t I bring myself to give \"National Treasure\" four stars on the Netflix ratings system? Am I ashamed? Do I need to defend my guilty pleasures? Do I consider \"National Treasure\" a guilty pleasure or top-tier storytelling?"; 
if (r == 3) return "Why did the makers of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch advertise that the cereal was \"now better tasting?\" Am I the only one who thought there wasn\'t a problem?"; 
if (r == 4) return "Why would a rapper call himself the Original 50 Cent?";  
if (r == 5) return "I don\'t understand why \"cardshark\" isn't a word. It's \"cardsharp,\" but who says that? Shouldn\'t the dictionary change because of the will of the people?"; 
if (r == 6) return "I wonder if being medevaced somewhere and being caught in a time warp are kind of alike."; 
if (r == 7) return "Why can't I bring myself to give \"La Dolce Vita\" two stars on the Netfilx ratings system? I don\'t see what all the fuss is about, but everybody loves it. I feel pressured to keep my four stars in place."; 
if (r == 8) return "Why do people listen to smooth jazz? Why does it exist?";
if (r == 9) return "Why don't I ever tire of the \"one last job\" in heist movies?";
if (r == 10) return "Does everyone get excited when they use Q-tips?";
if (r == 11) return "Why do I feel so safe when I have lots of change in the car?";
if (r == 12) return "Why do I both fear and long for a really embarrassing death?";
if (r == 13) return "Why have I had a recurring dream about being trapped inside Grimace\'s body? Can I relate to being big and purple? Do I empathize with his plight? Or do I view myself as an underdog since Grimace is such an obvious underdog?";
if (r == 14) return "Do people without thumbs have a hard time shaking hands? What a horrible thing it would be to not have thumbs. I guess shaking hands properly would be the least of your worries.";
if (r == 15) return "A while back I saw God Bless America on the side of a building, but for some reason, it was written as \"God\" Bless America. Was the author hoping that I would be blessed by whatever I think God is or whatever God means to me?";
if (r == 16) return "I use the term \"Kafkaesque\" to describe just about everything.";
if (r == 17) return "Where do you draw the line with American flag merchandise? An American flag tie or hat is patriotic, right? What about a doormat? The flag can\'t touch the ground, right?";
if (r == 18) return "\"Raise the woof,\" the tagline for the remake of \"The Shaggy Dog\" may be the best and worst tagline ever conceived.";
if (r == 19) return "Why do the words \"premium,\" \"select,\" or \"limited edition\" on products sell me every time?";
if (r == 20) return "Was \"Maniac Cop III: Badge of Silence\" really necessary?";
if (r == 21) return "What happened to Little Caesars? Things really went downhill with the whole Hot & Ready $5 campaign.";
if (r == 22) return "Are electrolytes just something Gatorade invented?";
if (r == 23) return "What ever happened to the fourth monster sugar cereal, Fruit Brute? Was it too similar to Frankenberry? Did the wolf mascot not go over well with kids?";
if (r == 24) return "I think the word \"prohibit\" should be banned (or prohibited) from the English language. It sounds so positive with the \"pro\" in there. If I\'m at a park and I see the sign, \"Dogs Are Prohibited,\" I think to myself, \"Hmm, it\'s nice that dogs have a place to play. No wait, they\'re not allowed!\" Maybe the word should be changed to \"conhibit.\"";
if (r == 25) return "Would Apple sue me if I created a music player called the iPad? What if I marketed a series of oven mits called the iPad Collection? Would Apple have a problem with that?";
if (r == 26) return "I love laser jet printers.";
if (r == 27) return "I don\'t enjoy saying the word \"ointment\" out loud.";
if (r == 28) return "Is there really a car alarm system that projects a hologram of a snake inside the car?";
if (r == 29) return "I like it when people say \"aeroplane\" as opposed to \"airplane.\" ";
if (r == 30) return "I don\'t know if I would enjoy swimming in clear ocean water. I\'d rather not see what lives down there.";
if (r == 31) return "Yes, I\'ve rolled my eyes at NASCAR in the past. But secretly, I love a good car crash. ";
if (r == 32) return "I think I\'m going to start referring to coasters as \"drink islands.\" That has a better ring to it. ";
if (r == 33) return "It wasn\'t until 2006 that I finally understood the film, \"An American Tail,\" had a pun in the title. Tail. The mouse had a tail, yet it was also a grand tale. Wasn\'t that Fievel annoying?";
if (r == 34) return "When I was little, I wanted to be a police officer so that no one could arrest me.";
if (r == 35) return "Don't get me wrong, I love Chewbacca. But boy, does he whine.";
if (r == 36) return "I\'ve never known anyone who owned a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed, but man oh man, do they look comfy.";
if (r == 37) return "It\'s embarrassing when you're an adult and you pass out from eating too much candy. This happened to a friend of mine.";
if (r == 38) return "As a kid, I thought the Pulitzer Prize was called the Pulitzer Surprise. I still think that sounds better.";
if (r == 39) return "I look for excuses to use the word \"ombudsman.\"";
if (r == 40) return "As a boy, I cried the first time I rode a log flume.";
if (r == 41) return "If I got to create an expansion team in baseball, I would call it the Pandas or the Baby Lambs or the Little Birds - something really harmless and cute. And the uniforms would have lots of flowers and bright colors and the caps would be covered in feathers or fur. That way, the opposition would just assume we were wimpy and easy to beat. Then, we\'d catch them off guard and they would be humiliated.";
if (r == 42) return "It\'s strange, I don\'t care for bananas, but I love banana-flavored Now and Laters.";
if (r == 43) return "I really should memorize some poetry just in case I\'m called upon to make an emergency toast.";
if (r == 44) return "Every time I see the helmets of the Cleveland Browns I get hungry for M&M\'s.";
if (r == 45) return "If I ever found a magic lamp and a genie granted me three wishes, one of my wishes would be to eliminate all jam bands.";
if (r == 46) return "I remember how scared my brother Rick got when Grover's doppelg&#228;nger appeared on Sesame Street. He was just like Grover, only instead of dark blue he was light brown with dead, shark-like eyes. He usually stood in the back, behind the other characters, wearing a blank expression. Brown Grover never spoke. He just watched. Come to think of it, I was scared of brown Grover as well. Trust me, this was a real character. My brother will verify it.";
if (r == 47) return "How did the term \"petting\" start getting used to describe people making out? That\'s so weird.";
if (r == 48) return "I always find it amusing when people tour historically significant places and reference the films they were featured in. For example, when a person visits the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC and notes that the Clint Eastwood thriller \"In the Line of Fire\" was filmed there. That was a great scene between Clint and Rene Russo on those steps in front of the Lincoln Memorial. At least, I\'m pretty sure it was the Lincoln Memorial. The Lincoln Memorial is that famous place shown at the end of \"Planet of the Apes,\" right?";
if (r == 49) return "I hope I’m able to make a lot of jokes on my deathbed.";
if (r == 50) return "In older movies why are people always ordering drinks and then leaving right away? Usually only a sip or two is taken. What a waste. In newer TV shows, it seems like people are always meeting in restaurants to resolve conflicts. I\’ve noticed many great meals have been ordered, but before they arrive the couple or whomever has already gotten into an argument and left. As a viewer, I\’m left scratching my head.";
if (r == 51) return "When I see someone handing out pamphlets outside of the grocery store I will sometimes not use a shopping cart. This way, the person might be discouraged from handing me a pamphlet because of all the groceries I\'m carrying.";
if (r == 52) return "Why do people use the phrase \"pay it forward?\"";} //-->